ADHD in the Workplace

I am a writer, but writing does not come easy for me. I recently had the honor of meeting Kelly Corrigan, who has published several books, has a successful podcast, and is hands-down the most incredible public speaker I've ever had the honor of listening to.

While walking out of the restroom after her talk, I see Kelly as she's situated herself to sign books and take photos with her adoring fans. There wasn't anyone in line yet, and I knew I'd been gifted this rare moment when it was just us.

"Um, hi!" I awkwardly approach, while clutching her #1 seller Tell Me More.

"I heard you say you wrote your first book at 40 years old, Is that true?"

"No. I published my first book when I was 40. I wrote long before that."

I pushed on, despite my social anxiety threatening to burst through my seemingly calm demeanor.

"Well, I am 43 and in the trenches of writing my first book."

"How's it going?" She asked me.

"Well, it's been hard. Really hard. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I'm determined to finish it."

She then kindly offered to get my book to an editor if I ever did finish it, and said I should surround myself with other writers if I ever wanted to be one, then signed my book and sent me on my way.

I left the conversation wondering what she thought of my answer, then spent the rest of the day (ok, truth bomb: It's been three days now and I keep reliving the conversation over and over again, taking apart every word I said and kicking myself for not saying more. )

This pillar of a woman, this absolutely brilliant writer, did she think writing was hard? Did other so-called writers like myself find writing hard or was I simply in the wrong business?

My answer came to me in a lightbulb moment so great, that a wave of relief flowed through my body. I have ADHD so getting my racing thoughts and ideas from my brain onto paper can be an insurmountable task most days.

Gosh, let me count the ways ADHD and I coexist in the workplace. I think I'll write a book someday called ADHD and Me : A Complex Relationship.

You heard it here first, folks! My idea! Except of course, if it already exists, which it may, and in that case, I'll need to apologize so I don't get sued.

I digress back to my story about ADHD in the workplace.

This morning, I woke to a text thread from my other job, working with student teachers at UCSB who want to become credentialed.

The text was about how we supervisors should allocate the money that's been budgeted for end-of-year celebrations with our student teachers and cooperating teachers. As always, money is extremely tight in all things education-related, and there's never enough money to pay teachers what they're truly worth. Many ideas were thrown around, one of which included a heartfelt card handwritten to each of them or a small token of appreciation like a Starbucks gift card.

As I read the group chat, I became increasingly nervous that the chosen plan would be to handwrite a card for each person we work with. This sounded like a chore I would loathe and I berated myself for being an awful person that groans at writing thank-you cards.

I mean, I agree that written appreciations are received with so much love and I have an entire box of cards others have written me that I'll cherish until the day I die! So why would I rather run to Target and buy an impersonal thank you gift any day instead of writing a thank you card that would cost me nothing?

The answer, once again, slapped me in the face.

It's that damn ADHD, thwarting me again by fogging up my brain.

My mental energy is very limited most days, therefore I am very protective over it.

So, I composed the following text response, and you can see by my over-explaining has ADHD written all over it!

"Possibly unpopular opinion here, but I wanted to explain my rationale for always gifting a little something rather than writing a full heartfelt card, which I honestly feel is so much more meaningful than any tangible gift! But I am on that is highly protective of my mental energy. As someone with ADHD my mind is constantly busy and it takes a lot of effort to explain myself sometimes, so though I love to write, I find I only have so much mental energy each day so writing thank you cards can be exhausting. Therefore, buying a small token of appreciation is often much easier for me because my time and energy is almost so limited. Sorry, ADHD rant that I'm having in my own head that I felt I needed to share with you all."

This was hard to admit to my colleagues, as it made me feel small, less than, and just plain rude, but I've begun to speak my truth this past year, and ADHD is me in a nutshell. So it's either people think I belong in a nuthouse, or I explain how my ADHD is so much more than how society typically understands it, which is that we are hyperactive and distracted by squirrels.

I joke, but if you search for ADHD memes, you'll be bombarded by goofy-looking "Look, Squirrel!" memes that are funny, but misrepresent what it actually feels like to live with ADHD.

It's a complex disability and one that's worth trying to understand since 8.7 million adults in the U.S. have an ADHD diagnosis. So I'd say there's a pretty good chance you work with someone who has ADHD.

They may be the coworker who is constantly interrupting you, (Sorry, we literally can't help ourselves, we are just so excited about what you are saying!) or arrives to meetings with mere seconds to spare or 15 minutes late (Sorry again, we are Time Optimists and will squeeze the life out of every minute and also have zero concept of time itself), or they may leave you wondering why they retreat to a solo space after a busy meeting (The ADHD brain is on hyperdrive always, but simultaneously only has a limited amount of focused energy to give each day, so once it's gone, the ADHD brain needs to regenerate itself again.)

The more we all try to understand ADHD, the less likely we'll be annoyed or offended by it.

Unfortunately, I've learned this lesson the hard way, and I've annoyed or offended many coworkers. I cringe just thinking about it!

My lack of input at a meeting was misinterpreted as disinterest or confusion, when that could not have been further from the truth. I had so many thoughts and ideas about what I was hearing, but it took me longer than others to process the information and get it to my mouth.

ADHD can feel like a traffic jam clogging up the pathways of my brain, making it nearly impossible to communicate in a group setting in socially acceptable ways.

It is just as frustrating as being a car stuck in traffic as I want so badly to get my thoughts unstuck and untangled so they can arrive at their destination, which in this case is in my colleague's ears. Adults with ADHD often want to be part of the conversation just like everyone else, but it's harder for us.

If you ever get interrupted by me or wonder why I'm droning on and on, I sincerely apologize. On the contrary, if I ever give you a blank stare or say nothing in response to something you tell me, assume that my mind is awash in what you are telling me but I'm afraid I'll say something stupid unless I allow adequate time for my brain to make sense of your words.

Back in 2009, I got a coveted teaching position at a private school in New Haven, Connecticut. I entered that school with excitement and full confidence that I was a perfect match for them. I shared the same teaching philosophy as the school, I also had years of experience and excellent educational training from a prestigious Teacher Education Program. I was ready!

Of course, with any new teaching job comes new colleagues, new rules, and new parents of students who were starkly different than the ones I was used to interacting with at the public schools in California who'd shaped me my entire life.

I remember sitting in on meetings where a topic was being discussed, a problem was being dissected, and quickly realizing I had a lot of ideas and solutions to offer. Instead, I sat in silence, being a passive observer.

Imposter syndrome is a common feeling among people with ADHD, where someone feels like a fraud or not good enough without reason.

This can make it harder to accept accomplishments and can lead to self-doubt, inadequacy, stress, anxiety, and burnout. Imposter syndrome can also be exacerbated by ADHD's link to rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), which can make people with ADHD more likely to look for signs of rejection, criticism, or judgment.

At the time, I had never heard of such syndromes, nor did I know much about the countless ways ADHD was impacting my life. Therefore, anytime I had a new idea, I'd let it stir around in my head and usually decide it wasn't worth sharing aloud.

Then one day, the Head of School (Principal) called me into her office.

"I notice you don't say much during our grade-level meetings and I want to make sure you feel comfortable sharing." She says.

At this point, my mind is racing to latch onto an answer I can give her, but only a jumbled mess of words comes to the surface. I think my anxiety made me black out a bit because I honestly don't remember how I responded, but I do remember what she said to me.

"We hired you because we know you have something to offer our school, and we value your input. I know the other teachers at the table, mostly men, have a lot to say, but we all want to hear your fresh perspective. You have an equal seat at the table, and I want to hear your voice more often."

I was both flattered and terrified! What if I said something stupid?

What if my idea was so off the wall that they called me a "Crazy Californian!"

What if my words came out like an ADHD jumbled mess rather than a coherent sentence!

At the next meeting, I shared both an idea and my opinion on something being discussed. Alas, this sharing was thwarted by Imposter Syndrome, and I began doubting myself and everything I'd said. Imposter Syndrome is actually one of the main unfortunate ADHD symptoms I've had to battle, especially when in the workplace.

It didn't matter that I had years of teaching experience and a Masters degree in Education that I worked tirelessly to get. After speaking up at meetings, I'd spend hours over-analyzing every word I'd spoken, convincing myself I had no idea what I was talking about and should have kept my darn mouth shut!

It was EXHAUSTING. When you have ADHD, your mind never takes a break, and it's like you have a bunch of people telling you what to do all at once, except those people are stuck inside your head!

After only two years of teaching in Connecticut, my husband got a job offer at UCSB in California, so we packed up our little home and my classroom in New Haven and headed back home. My colleagues bid me farewell and said they wished they'd gotten to know me more, that I barely scratched the surface of what I could have accomplished at that school. I felt the same.

That time of teaching was a blur for me. I know I did some great and innovative things with my 5th grade students, but I also knew that I hadn't brought my full self to the table while I was there.

ADHD mixed with Imposter Syndrome and a dash of anxiety put a damper on me exposing too much in the workplace and it was a shame, to be honest.

Fast forward a few more years and I'm standing in a large conference room on the 4th floor of the Gevirtz Graduate School of Education. I'm surrounded by dozens of colleagues, most of which I do not know, all of us bound together because we work for the Teacher Education Program at UCSB.

There I stood, casually talking to a woman whose sharing about the research she's doing. Well, my internal excitement can't be contained by my impulsivity so I interrupt her mid-sentence.

If words were things, I'd have reached out and grabbed them back, shoving them into my stupid mouth before they could reach my colleague's ears. This colleague wasn't particularly understanding of blurty-mouthed people like me, and she had every right to be a bit annoyed. To this day, she scares me a bit, as she rarely smiles and her words are succinct in tone and substance. Not to mention the work she does at the university is brilliant and ground-breaking! She is a badass, and I have so much respect for her.

This would be the first time someone called me out on my impulsive interrupting and I had to make a choice. To come clean about my disability, or leave her to think I was just another rude person.

I vividly remember this moment, because I was face-to-face with myself in a public setting where I could no longer mask my ADHD to appear "typical". So, I took a deep breath and spoke my truth.

I said something like, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to interject. I have ADHD and I sometimes get so excited or inspired by something or someone that I can't control my inner thoughts so I interrupt people on accident."

She looked at me with curiosity, then responded that she appreciated my conversational style as it reminded her of where she's from, which is a country where it is much more acceptable to banter back and forth than she has found to be true in the United States.

Well this only piqued my interest even more and I had to bite my tongue so she could explain how it has been difficult to adjust to the professional setting here in the U.S., where there seems to be unspoken expectations about how to have a conversation.

"Tell me more." I said, trying to channel Kelly Corrigan while also trying to mask my ADHD into submission so it did not take over this invaluable conversation.

She went on to say that here in the U.S., there seems to be an expectation that someone must completely finish talking, then the listeners must allow a full pause before responding. When there are multiple people in the conversation, it's hard to know when it's your turn to share your thoughts on the matter. She said that my interjecting actually is quite normal where she is from. I wish I could remember where she was from, but I cannot because I have ADHD so not all information finds a permanent home in my memory.

This got me thinking though. Perhaps having ADHD in the workplace is not as noticeable in other countries or in other cultures? I'm not about to claim I did the research on this, because that would be a big fat lie, but I do wonder if there are differences in how people with ADHD are perceived outside the U.S.

American society often poses significant challenges for individuals with ADHD due to it's fast-paced, multitasking-oriented culture that values constant productivity and efficiency. The educational system isn't setup for kids who are neurodiverse, and most workplaces demand sustained attention, organizational skills, and impulse control, areas where people with ADHD typically struggle.

Then add in societal misunderstandings and stigmatization of ADHD, which creates barriers to building professional relationships and receiving appropriate support and accommodations in the workplace.

I've been called many things, including ditzy, aloof, daydreamer, confusing, to name a few. I used to believe these descriptors and even allowed them to dictate how I would act in social settings when I was younger. Before I knew I had ADHD and learned the myriad of ways it impacts the human mind, I simply accepted the external judgments of others.

However, when we internalize negative labels and stereotypes assigned by society, it undermines our self-worth and potential. Instead of pursuing my ideas and embracing my unique strengths, I found myself conforming to narrow definitions, which stifled my growth and my happiness.

Once I began to break down the stigmas I had about ADHD and learned all the ways it makes me awesome, I became more comfortable telling my colleagues that I have ADHD and advocating for more transparency and acceptance about mental health matters in the workplace.

A mantra I live by and frequently remind my children and husband is this: Don't you dare make yourself smaller to fit into others' lives. You are doing the world no favors by diminishing your own light to fit into society.

You were born with a unique purpose, and it would be a shame if you never shared that gift with the world.